失戀那件小事

其實,在兩年前的今天,我失戀了。

還記得那時一個人在納閩,開學之際,又要應付心理上的問題,根本一根蠟燭兩頭燒。但是唯一幸運的是,剛開學,還沒有一堆大大小小的assignment。

會發這篇東西不是因為想念前男友or what so ever。而是最近我在follow的一個Youtuber失戀了,才讓我想發這篇東西討論失戀這個東西。

失戀,說大事,其實不是多大的事;說小事,可是對當事人卻又不是小事。說真的,當年失戀的感覺,還歷歷在目,那種快死掉,不,比死還難受的感覺,我還記得。我不敢忘記,我要告訴我自己,這個就是失戀的感覺,這次經歷了,有下次的話一定還能挺過來。

失戀時,會感覺天快塌下來,會一直想我為什麼死不了。可是我沒自殺的勇氣,有想法沒勇氣,另一方面是,我的理智一直在拉著我,和我的感性玩拔河,上演劇烈的拉鋸戰。每天的生活就是哭,哭累了睡,睡醒了哭。完全不覺得口渴,不覺得餓。哭就飽了。被拉去一起吃飯,很勉強地吃兩口,就完全吃不下了。那時要上課,人在課室,心不知道在哪裡。路上遇到學姐慰問、安慰,會止不住眼淚,直接在她們面前哭。事後聽學姐形容的說法是,一個平常瘋瘋癲癲完全女漢子的女生突然樣子憔悴沒精神。完全不想踏出房間一步,只想躲在窩裡哭。

我還記得那時,我忍不住了,打電話回家給媽媽。對著媽媽狂哭,哭累了就聽媽媽安慰我,有力氣了再繼續哭。有時一個小時多的電話,95%是我媽媽聽我哭。然後電話一天照三餐打,每通電話90%及以上是我媽默默聽我哭。有時媽媽在忙,也不會掛我電戶,也不覺得我煩。那時情況稍微好一點點時,我還會找不同的朋友聊天,分散注意力。

這些現在說回去想回去,不痛不癢,但是我不會忘記,也不想忘記。我把這段記憶深深地記在腦子裡,可以告訴我,即使我多麼難受,我還是挺得過來。也是這一段記憶,讓我明白了失戀的感覺。我偶爾還會回想,然後慢慢思考各種細節。發現,在面對失戀時,有些東西很重要。

一,理智

我本來想發發洩在前,可是我覺得,理智應該優先。不管做什麼,都不要讓感性take over,而是應該以理智建立圍牆,設置一個boundary,一個限度。就是不管要怎樣,都不可以超過那個boundary。很多人失戀了自殺,都是因為理智不強,被感性佔據了腦子。我當時失戀時,給自己的限度是,不管怎麼樣,都不可以做傷及人身的事,不管是自己還是別人,都不可以。像上面提到的,我曾經想死,可是幸好被理智拉住。不管怎麼樣,理智一定、必需是比較大的那個。

二,發洩

其實,不好的情緒一直累積,有百害而無一益。很多人會覺得,失戀罷了怎麼要生要死。刀不割自己的肉,當然不覺得痛!我說發洩,不是毫無理智的亂發神經,而是必需以理智為優先。你可以找你最有安全感,或是最能放心做自己的私人事情的地方,僅管想念儘管哭,想怎麼哭怎麼想念都用盡全力去做,不要忍。到比較後期時,你已經宣洩到無力了,可是每每想起來心裡還是會覺得難受,這時你可以做些能分散你注意了的事,以理智為前提的任何事,但當你情緒上來想哭時,儘管哭。當時比較後階段是我的現任男友在陪我聊天,幾乎24小時。

三,時間

很多人都會習慣性地「早日康復」、「快點好起來」作為打氣鼓勵。雖然是好意,可是不必要的話可以不需要講,不必要個關注也不需要給。失戀者本身也別急著好起來,太快好起來的代價就是一堆有的沒的壓抑在心裡,會導致你復原的更慢。人,需要的是復原的好,而不是復原的快。這種事情上,沒必要去心急,要快。我記得那時,因為開學了,我覺得自己還無法上課,就缺席了幾堂課,過後才寫請假信補交給講師。我深深體會到,失戀了,想要真正的療癒,不是忘記,而是克服。克服是需要時間和空間去面對。正視它,才能克服它。唯有克服才能忘記,強迫自己忘記,是行不通的。

四,父母朋友

永遠不要忘記你還有父母和朋友會支持你,會心疼你。如果理智hold不住了,想想他們。在比較後階段,哭的次數和頻密度比較少時,可以選擇找朋友聊天,前提是她們有空時。有件事我不得不提,我當時是有室友的,而我失戀沒幾天她就回學校了(前面說到,是因為開學了),她看我這樣子,沒給予我過多的問候打擾,大多時間都是去找她的朋友,這點我很感謝也覺得幸運。其實剛失戀的人比起過多的安慰陪伴,更需要私人空間和時間,來調整自己。在能確定失戀者的安全的前提下,周圍的人可以不必給予過多的陪伴。像我上面提到的,失戀者需要時間和空間。然而失戀者可以以家人朋友為精神支柱,在理智的牆快瓦解之際,想想父母和朋友。為了一個不愛你的人放棄一群愛你的人,怎麼算都不值得。而且在你難受時,他們是那些一直在精神上支持你關心你的人。
當然,以上只是我個人經驗、體驗和收穫,不代表每個人適用。但唯一不變也不假的是,理智必需優先。

共勉之

[ Bilingual 雙語] Best of 2016 2016好物

其實我朋友都叫我轉戰Youtuber,但是我是靜態美女(?),所以還是算了。

Actually, my friends suggest me to be a Youtuber, but I’m a quiescent beauty(?), so just forget it.

寫這篇是為了分享2016年常用的,或是發現的好東西。其實我的彩妝品保養品都沒固定的,所以要找出全年好物總結是有點難,所以東西不會多。

This post is to share with you all about the good products I’d use in 2016, or I found in 2016. Since I never have a fixed cosmetics or skincare products, finding a conclusion of that become pretty hard for me, and that’s why the products in The Best of 2016 will not be many.

1. 卡尼爾卸妝水 Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water 


右邊那瓶其實也是卡尼爾卸妝水,只是我把他倒進泵瓶會比較方便使用。左邊的是最近看到打折,買來備用的。卸妝力蠻好的,但讓我把他放進2016好物的原因是,我發現他連我一直覺得很難卸的Yadah睫毛膏都能快速卸除乾淨。然後溫和不刺激,成份簡單,而且很便宜!

The one on the right is actually the cleansing water, I put it into a pumping bottle for convenience in using. The left one is the one I bought recently during sales. The cleansing power is pretty, somehow, the reason I add it into Best of 2016 is when I found that it able to remove my Yadah mascare, which I feel that it is very long lasting and hard to be removed even using eyes & lips makeup remover, pretty fast and clean. This cleansing water is gentle for skin, simple ingredient, yet cheap in price!

2. Aiken 茶樹油 Aiken Tea Tree Oil

老實說,這個根本糟糠妻。我已經用掉幾瓶了。小小一瓶卻能用很久。我通常是在皮膚很油,或者有痘痘時使用。我有時也會用來當防蚊液。茶樹油的功效之多,我就不一一說明了,請各位自己google。把他列入好物主要原因是他的味道。我不喜歡風油味,卻特別愛這個味道。我有嘗試找其他牌子的茶樹油,但是就這個味道最重,其他的都有經過特別處理淡化味道了。超便宜,卻只在馬來西亞找得到。

I actually used up a few bottles of this. It’s really small in size but it takes really long time to finish up. I usually use it when my skin is very oily, or on acnes. I use it as moisquitoes repellent sometimes. Tea tree oil has many finctions and I’m not going to state it all up here, so kindly google it yourself. The reason I make it one of the Best of 2016 is the smell. I don’t really like the smell of herbs’ oils or ointments, but I love the smell of tea tree oil. I’d tried to get other brands’, somehow this one has the strongest smell, the rests seem to have undergone special treatment or process to reduce or lighten the smell. This is so cheap and it’s only in Malaysia.

3. Cathy Doll AA氣墊粉餅 Cathy Doll AA Matte Powder Cushion


這個氣墊粉餅標榜控油和霧面妝效,但是這兩點基本上都沒做到。不怎麼控油,妝效也不是全霧面,而是看起來偏奶油。但會讓這個上榜原因是,他遮瑕力很好,持久力也ok,皮膚就算出油也不會容易脫妝。奶油妝效我個人覺得還不錯,價格也不貴,值得一試。

It states that it ables to control oil and giving matte finish. It doesn’t really control oil, the effect is not matte but velvet-matte to creamy look anyway. The reason I list it in, is because the good coverage, pretty long lasting, even it doesn’t control oil. The velvet-matte to creamy finish is not bad for me, the price is cheap, worth a try.

4. 花娜小姐三色遮瑕盤 Miss Hana Concealer Palette



這個遮瑕盤其實拿來當遮瑕膏是個no。保濕度很好,卻不能拿來遮眼下。卡細紋超厲害,遮瑕度普通。價錢又不是特便宜,剛用的幾天有種被坑了的感覺。我開始喜歡他是在我發現他的另一種用法開始。我會把他當粉底使用。他延展性很好,很好推開,遮瑕普通可是妝效自然。當遮瑕膏這個完全不及格,可是當粉底使用的話超棒der

This concealer is really fail in being a concealer. It’s moisturising but you can’t use it to conceal your eye area. It accumulates in whatever fine lines you have on you eye area, coverage is just moderate, and it’s not cheap. I felt like wasting my money after some times since I started using it. Somehow, I started to fall in love with this when I used it in another way. I actually use it as foundation. The texture is very smooth that you can blend it easily, the coverage is only moderate but it gives a natural look. And you can mix among the three colours to get the one fit your skin tone.  It really fail as concealer, but very good as a foundation.

5. Essence All About Matt 定妝蜜粉 Fixing Loose Powder


11g的份量卻在大約RM20,粉質細,定妝超強,控油超級好,你甚至可以一整天不需要補妝,擦上去是透明的,不會影響臉上彩妝的顏色。如果你因為油性皮膚而沒辦法用RCMA no color powder,那麽我推薦你用這個!我的這個快完了,然後essence架上一直沒有他的身影,在擔心他是不是停產了。如果這個停產的話,別擔心,同系列還有透明控油粉餅(粉餅顏色是白色)。

11g at around RM20, the powder is really fine and smooth, great in fixing makeup, super good oil control, you don’t even to do any touch up whole day, it’s transparent on skin, hence it doen’t effect any colors on you face. If you can’t use RCMA no color powder because of your oily skin, try this instead! I almost finish mine and I can’t see it on Essence counter since last year, so I’m really worry that it might be stopped producing already. If Essence really stop producing this powder, don’t worry, there’s compct powder in the same series which the powder is white in colour.

6. Yadah睫毛膏 Yadah High Lash Mascara


對,這個就是我上面提到的那支Yadah難卸的睫毛膏。他非常持久,捲翹力也不錯,纖長+濃密也做得很好,價格便宜,不會蒼蠅腳,不會結塊。總之,這支睫毛膏唯一壞處是難卸除,但是已不是問題,所以,是在無可挑剔。

Yup, this is the Yadah mascara that I mentioned earlier. Super long lasting, curling ability is good, lengthening and voluming are both really good as well, price is cheap, won’t clump. The only bad about this is hard in removing, but it’s no longer a problem, so, I can say that it’s flawless.

7. 屈臣氏護髮蠟 Watsons Hair Treatment Wax 


這個也算糟糠妻。三罐都在用著,就輪流吧。保濕力很好,使用後頭髮不容易毛躁開叉,成份ok,不含硅。用了一陣子後嘗試一天不用這個而是用普通潤髮素就知道差別了。500ml才RM15,還常優惠打折。唯一缺點是不方便攜帶。

I use three of them actually, just that tale turns among them or pick according my mood. Very moisturising, it really slows down split ends, and keep hair smooth and anti-frizz, ingredients are ok and does not contain silicon. Use it for some days and use conditioner instead for one day, you will know the difference. 500ml at RM15, there’re always promotion or discount in Watsons somemore. The only bad of it for me is that it’s not convenient to be carried around like trip or etc.
我的2016好物就到這邊,希望對你們有幫助,有什麼好東西也可以告訴我哦!

Here I end the post and I hope that it gives help for you all, and kindly tell me if you would like to recommend me any products!